Go to the biggest shopping center.
Choose the first store with clothes (Banana Republic).
Go to the first rack of trousers in the vicinity.
Look at the black ones.
– What size are you looking for?
– 34/32?
– We only have 33/32...
– Yeah, let’s be optimistic.
– Do you want straight fit or relaxed fit?
Flip a coin in your head.
– Relaxed, I guess.
Go to the fitting room.
Try the trousers on.
Look at yourself in the mirror for the pre-requisite five minutes while thinking whether you should go to the Apple Store before or after the movie.
After realizing the trousers seem a little bit long, go outside and ask the nearest female staff member for her opinion.
– They seem a little bit short… but no, they’re okay.
Go back to the rack with the said female staff member.
– What’s the difference between straight fit and relaxed fit?
Pretend you’re listening to the answer while wondering whether the Apple Store will be open after you finish with the movie.
– Alright, so can I have the same type, but straight fit?
– Sure.
Take the second pair and move towards the cash register.
– Don’t you want to try them on?
– Do I have to?
– (blank expression)
– You know, it’s a great store and everything,
but I’ll be okay... this is as foreign a territory as it gets
for me, and I’ll take my chances.
Listen to the laughter and make a mental note to practice putting the accent on the proper syllables of “territory.”
Pay.
Leave.
Go to the Apple Store before the movie.
Go to the Apple Store after the movie.